1 00:00:02,045 --> 00:00:04,352 ♪♪ [theme] 2 00:00:50,746 --> 00:00:51,964 Need some tape here. 3 00:00:52,008 --> 00:00:53,488 [chatter] 4 00:00:53,531 --> 00:00:55,446 Come on, step it up. I haven't got all day. 5 00:00:57,187 --> 00:00:58,580 Wanna get that, please? 6 00:00:58,623 --> 00:00:59,755 Yes, Doctor. 7 00:00:59,798 --> 00:01:01,148 Almost finished. 8 00:01:01,191 --> 00:01:02,410 You do nice work. 9 00:01:02,453 --> 00:01:03,759 That's why I get the big money. 10 00:01:03,802 --> 00:01:05,978 You know, I figured it out. 11 00:01:06,022 --> 00:01:07,415 All the work I've done 12 00:01:07,458 --> 00:01:09,025 divided by the time I've been in the army 13 00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:10,461 comes to a nickel an operation. 14 00:01:10,505 --> 00:01:12,724 -Lap sponge. -How you doin', B.J.? 15 00:01:12,768 --> 00:01:14,900 Just about there. It's a nasty head wound. 16 00:01:14,944 --> 00:01:16,424 Yeah, they're getting worse all the time. 17 00:01:16,467 --> 00:01:17,642 FRANK: Well, that's war, jocko. 18 00:01:17,686 --> 00:01:20,123 Gimme a hand here, will you, Father? 19 00:01:20,167 --> 00:01:23,083 -Say the word. -Go. 20 00:01:23,126 --> 00:01:24,475 More there. 21 00:01:24,519 --> 00:01:26,651 Uh, give me a little Richardson. 22 00:01:26,695 --> 00:01:28,479 No, the big one. No, no-no-no-no. 23 00:01:28,523 --> 00:01:30,002 The-the-the little-- the little one. 24 00:01:30,046 --> 00:01:31,700 Hold that door for us, will you, Klinger? 25 00:01:31,743 --> 00:01:33,223 Post-op's all jammed, sir. 26 00:01:33,267 --> 00:01:35,312 Let's put him against the wall, Father. 27 00:01:35,356 --> 00:01:36,574 We ain't got one free bed. 28 00:01:36,618 --> 00:01:38,315 You'd think we were a motel. 29 00:01:38,359 --> 00:01:40,056 Sorry, Father. 30 00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:42,363 Well, I know all about motels, Corporal. 31 00:01:42,406 --> 00:01:44,887 Each man prays in his own way. 32 00:01:44,930 --> 00:01:47,107 -Get an I.V. stand, Klinger. -Right. 33 00:01:47,150 --> 00:01:48,586 Another boy from the 43rd. 34 00:01:48,630 --> 00:01:50,327 Colonel Coner's outfit. He got hit 35 00:01:50,371 --> 00:01:52,503 in one of the colonel's famous retrieval sweeps. 36 00:01:52,547 --> 00:01:54,288 No more stands, Doc. What now? 37 00:01:54,331 --> 00:01:56,072 Get a hammer. Let's nail this to the wall. 38 00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:57,508 Boy, I wish I had your brains. 39 00:01:57,552 --> 00:01:59,597 -I wish I had your beauty. -There is that. 40 00:01:59,641 --> 00:02:01,033 Our friend Colonel Coner 41 00:02:01,077 --> 00:02:03,558 specializes in trading warm bodies for cold. 42 00:02:03,601 --> 00:02:05,125 He'd send a whole division behind enemy lines 43 00:02:05,168 --> 00:02:07,997 in order to pick up what used to be one human being. 44 00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:09,781 Uh, hold this, will you, Father? 45 00:02:09,825 --> 00:02:11,957 Some awful funny people running this war. 46 00:02:12,001 --> 00:02:13,829 Sometimes I'm sorry I bought tickets for it. 47 00:02:13,872 --> 00:02:15,352 I'll see you in a bit. 48 00:02:15,396 --> 00:02:17,746 HAWKEYE: Three-O silk on a Keith needle. 49 00:02:17,789 --> 00:02:19,748 -Three-O silk. -[clatter] 50 00:02:19,791 --> 00:02:21,750 -Oh... -Need a hand, Frank? 51 00:02:21,793 --> 00:02:23,186 I don't need a hand from anyone. 52 00:02:23,230 --> 00:02:25,145 His own two lefts are enough. 53 00:02:25,188 --> 00:02:27,538 -Mind if I watch? -Makes me no never mind. 54 00:02:27,582 --> 00:02:30,062 -Oh, Colonel Potter. -Here. 55 00:02:30,106 --> 00:02:31,586 There's something that's been bothering me 56 00:02:31,629 --> 00:02:32,848 for some time now, sir. 57 00:02:32,891 --> 00:02:34,589 Very simple, Frank. 58 00:02:34,632 --> 00:02:36,591 A mommy and a daddy love each other very much. 59 00:02:36,634 --> 00:02:38,593 Now, the daddy has a seed... 60 00:02:38,636 --> 00:02:40,116 Put a bridle on it, Pierce. 61 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,336 -What's on your mind, Burns? -Trash. 62 00:02:42,379 --> 00:02:44,860 [inhales] Sir, I am keenly aware 63 00:02:44,903 --> 00:02:46,166 of the garbage in this camp. 64 00:02:46,209 --> 00:02:47,993 There are tin cans, eggshells, 65 00:02:48,037 --> 00:02:49,256 pus-y old bandages, 66 00:02:49,299 --> 00:02:51,258 germy tongue depressors by the bushel. 67 00:02:51,301 --> 00:02:53,390 It's dumped the regulation 25 yards from the camp 68 00:02:53,434 --> 00:02:56,001 and poses no threat to hygiene. 69 00:02:56,045 --> 00:02:57,481 But we're wasting our waste, sir. 70 00:02:57,525 --> 00:02:59,266 The locals are stealing it. 71 00:02:59,309 --> 00:03:01,006 They need it to survive, Frank. 72 00:03:01,050 --> 00:03:03,226 Well, they're not entitled to just walk off with it. 73 00:03:03,270 --> 00:03:06,098 Frank's right. You give these people a taste of our garbage, 74 00:03:06,142 --> 00:03:07,970 next they'll want New Jersey. 75 00:03:08,013 --> 00:03:11,234 Now, what I'm suggesting is that we charge them for it. 76 00:03:11,278 --> 00:03:14,890 Make 'em pay for every rind, every drop of swill. 77 00:03:14,933 --> 00:03:17,545 You wanna open some sort of bilious boutique, Frank? 78 00:03:17,588 --> 00:03:19,416 No, but I do have a plan. 79 00:03:19,460 --> 00:03:22,245 This isn't what I'd call table talk, doctors. 80 00:03:22,289 --> 00:03:23,638 See me later, Burns. 81 00:03:23,681 --> 00:03:24,856 It'll be a pleasure, sir. 82 00:03:24,900 --> 00:03:26,858 Maybe for you. 83 00:03:26,902 --> 00:03:28,860 Finished. 84 00:03:28,904 --> 00:03:31,211 Who'd have thought perfection could be so boring? 85 00:03:31,254 --> 00:03:33,213 -Doctor? -Hmm? 86 00:03:33,256 --> 00:03:35,824 -What are you doing after? -Please. 87 00:03:35,867 --> 00:03:38,479 Put a note on the bulletin board like everyone else. 88 00:03:38,522 --> 00:03:40,698 I'll give you a nickel. 89 00:03:40,742 --> 00:03:44,354 Sold. [chuckles] I'm so easy. 90 00:03:44,398 --> 00:03:46,008 Captain Hunnicutt. 91 00:03:48,750 --> 00:03:50,534 I was just walking by and I noticed this gizmo 92 00:03:50,578 --> 00:03:52,232 came disconnected from the thingamabob 93 00:03:52,275 --> 00:03:53,842 and it wasn't dripping into the doohickey right. 94 00:03:53,885 --> 00:03:55,278 You lost me with all the technical terms, Radar, 95 00:03:55,322 --> 00:03:56,584 but I get the picture. 96 00:03:56,627 --> 00:03:58,063 Is he gonna be all right, sir? 97 00:03:58,107 --> 00:03:59,195 He will now. 98 00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:01,284 Whew. 99 00:04:01,328 --> 00:04:03,112 -Radar? -Yes, sir? 100 00:04:03,155 --> 00:04:05,027 You may have just saved his life. 101 00:04:05,070 --> 00:04:07,595 Really? Gee, I didn't mean to. 102 00:04:07,638 --> 00:04:10,772 Well, wh-who would've thought I could? Gee. 103 00:04:10,815 --> 00:04:12,339 Come on. Help me see if we can get him into post-op. 104 00:04:12,382 --> 00:04:14,036 Yes, sir. 105 00:04:16,821 --> 00:04:18,823 Do you have a license to troll for surgeons? 106 00:04:18,867 --> 00:04:20,564 Or is that roll with sturgeons? 107 00:04:20,608 --> 00:04:22,044 Right this way, my dear. 108 00:04:22,087 --> 00:04:24,960 You will be gentle. 109 00:04:25,003 --> 00:04:27,310 The army's ruinin' my hands, you know. 110 00:04:27,354 --> 00:04:28,659 Mm-hmm. 111 00:04:28,703 --> 00:04:30,400 My hands are my best feature. 112 00:04:30,444 --> 00:04:31,836 When I was born, 113 00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:33,925 my father took one look and said to my mother, 114 00:04:33,969 --> 00:04:37,538 "Thanks a lot for the eight-pound baby nose." 115 00:04:37,581 --> 00:04:39,975 And my mother said, "His hands, Amos. 116 00:04:40,018 --> 00:04:43,283 "Look at his hands. He's a musician." 117 00:04:43,326 --> 00:04:46,024 What do you think my old man did? 118 00:04:46,068 --> 00:04:47,330 Went right out, 119 00:04:47,374 --> 00:04:50,899 stole a violin and stuck it in my crib. 120 00:04:50,942 --> 00:04:52,509 I was one week old. What did I know from violins? 121 00:04:52,553 --> 00:04:54,511 I started suckin' on the bridge. 122 00:04:54,555 --> 00:04:55,730 [chuckles] 123 00:04:55,773 --> 00:04:57,427 No kiddin'. I'm not kiddin'. 124 00:04:57,471 --> 00:04:58,428 I believe you. 125 00:04:58,472 --> 00:04:59,690 [chuckles] 126 00:04:59,734 --> 00:05:01,083 What's wrong? 127 00:05:01,126 --> 00:05:02,432 What's wrong, what's wrong? 128 00:05:02,476 --> 00:05:03,781 You look happy, that's all. 129 00:05:03,825 --> 00:05:05,522 I never see a happy face in the army 130 00:05:05,566 --> 00:05:07,132 outside the latrine. 131 00:05:07,176 --> 00:05:09,309 Well, I-I was helpin' Captain Hunnicutt 132 00:05:09,352 --> 00:05:10,484 before with a patient, you know? 133 00:05:10,527 --> 00:05:12,007 Yeah? 134 00:05:12,050 --> 00:05:14,357 And, uh, the guy's I.V. bottle went all snafu-y. 135 00:05:14,401 --> 00:05:16,185 And so I, uh, fixed it up, 136 00:05:16,228 --> 00:05:18,100 and Captain Hunnicutt says to me, he says to me, 137 00:05:18,143 --> 00:05:22,887 uh, "Radar, you may have saved his life." 138 00:05:22,931 --> 00:05:24,846 You wanna save another life? 139 00:05:24,889 --> 00:05:25,934 Huh? 140 00:05:25,977 --> 00:05:28,458 Don't eat that food. 141 00:05:28,502 --> 00:05:29,633 What's the matter with it? 142 00:05:29,677 --> 00:05:31,679 You ever pull kitchen duty? 143 00:05:31,722 --> 00:05:33,202 No, I've been lucky. 144 00:05:33,245 --> 00:05:34,377 Oh, it's beautiful. 145 00:05:34,421 --> 00:05:35,770 You don't know the conditions. 146 00:05:35,813 --> 00:05:38,425 They paint over the cockroaches. 147 00:05:38,468 --> 00:05:40,035 If you ever saw what they put in the hash, 148 00:05:40,078 --> 00:05:41,950 you'd go screaming into the night. 149 00:05:41,993 --> 00:05:44,169 And later you just might. 150 00:05:44,213 --> 00:05:45,432 Oh, I don't care. 151 00:05:45,475 --> 00:05:47,042 I saved a guy's life. 152 00:05:47,085 --> 00:05:48,609 Is he still in the army? 153 00:05:48,652 --> 00:05:50,175 Of course. 154 00:05:50,219 --> 00:05:52,482 Some saving. 155 00:05:52,526 --> 00:05:55,529 Our garbage is the mainstay of the local economy, sir. 156 00:05:55,572 --> 00:05:57,748 I don't think you realize how much valuable material 157 00:05:57,792 --> 00:05:59,663 is being looted from our trash heaps. 158 00:05:59,707 --> 00:06:02,449 I guess I just don't have your head for garbage, Burns. 159 00:06:02,492 --> 00:06:04,451 The late Colonel Blake said 160 00:06:04,494 --> 00:06:07,105 I was the best rubbish officer we'd ever had. 161 00:06:07,149 --> 00:06:09,586 The man knew talent when he saw it. Smoke? 162 00:06:09,630 --> 00:06:11,762 -Uh, would you like me to, sir? -Never mind. 163 00:06:11,806 --> 00:06:13,851 What do you think, sir? Garbage-wise. 164 00:06:13,895 --> 00:06:15,418 I'm not gonna make any decision 165 00:06:15,462 --> 00:06:18,290 until Radar gives me a breakdown of the situation. 166 00:06:18,334 --> 00:06:20,118 Radar. You got some poop on the garbage-- 167 00:06:20,162 --> 00:06:21,468 Sir, I've been going through the files. 168 00:06:21,511 --> 00:06:23,383 -I got the poop on our garbage. -Shoot. 169 00:06:23,426 --> 00:06:24,993 "The typical sample of this hospital's waste products 170 00:06:25,036 --> 00:06:27,691 "contains expended medical supplies, 171 00:06:27,735 --> 00:06:29,737 "i.e., e.g., tongue depressors..." 172 00:06:29,780 --> 00:06:32,479 Oh, they can take a few hundred of those and make a hooch. 173 00:06:32,522 --> 00:06:35,090 I've heard a Korean landlord will kill for the chance 174 00:06:35,133 --> 00:06:37,179 to subdivide a packing crate. 175 00:06:39,616 --> 00:06:43,011 "A few hundred yards of used and bloody surgical gauze." 176 00:06:43,054 --> 00:06:44,534 Oh, that can be washed out 177 00:06:44,578 --> 00:06:45,927 and used to make summer clothing. 178 00:06:45,970 --> 00:06:47,537 Go on. 179 00:06:47,581 --> 00:06:49,365 "Some stretched-out nurses' bras." 180 00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:50,714 They can use those for hammocks, right? 181 00:06:50,758 --> 00:06:52,194 [laughs] 182 00:06:52,237 --> 00:06:53,630 You shut up. 183 00:06:53,674 --> 00:06:55,327 Don't be abusive. 184 00:06:55,371 --> 00:06:57,939 I'm sorry, Colonel. It's just my nature. 185 00:06:57,982 --> 00:07:00,724 Enlisted men have feelings, you know. 186 00:07:00,768 --> 00:07:02,639 I keep forgetting that, sir. 187 00:07:02,683 --> 00:07:04,424 You want me to continue, Colonel? 188 00:07:04,467 --> 00:07:07,296 No. I have no interest in hearing a refuse recital. 189 00:07:07,339 --> 00:07:09,690 Burns, what are you leading up to? 190 00:07:09,733 --> 00:07:12,867 Sir, it's un-American to get nothing for nothing. 191 00:07:12,910 --> 00:07:15,652 Now, I propose we auction our garbage off 192 00:07:15,696 --> 00:07:17,654 to local contractors. 193 00:07:17,698 --> 00:07:19,134 I'd let it go to the highest bidder. 194 00:07:19,177 --> 00:07:20,744 That's ridiculous. 195 00:07:20,788 --> 00:07:26,663 As per Pentagon Directive, uh, N/R/358/9-A. 196 00:07:26,707 --> 00:07:28,012 The Trashy Substances Act, sir. 197 00:07:28,056 --> 00:07:31,886 Really? 198 00:07:31,929 --> 00:07:33,670 Burns, some men are born to greatness. 199 00:07:33,714 --> 00:07:35,672 Others have garbage thrust upon them. 200 00:07:35,716 --> 00:07:37,631 -You've got it. -I won't let you down, sir. 201 00:07:37,674 --> 00:07:40,111 There's no way you can. 202 00:07:40,155 --> 00:07:42,070 Uh, congratulations, Major. 203 00:07:42,113 --> 00:07:44,159 [chuckles] 204 00:07:44,202 --> 00:07:46,640 NURSE: Hawkeye. 205 00:07:46,683 --> 00:07:48,163 [laughs] Hawkeye. 206 00:07:48,206 --> 00:07:49,817 What are you laughing? It's not funny. 207 00:07:49,860 --> 00:07:51,993 -Don't worry about it. -I'm not worried. 208 00:07:52,036 --> 00:07:53,385 [sighs] 209 00:07:53,429 --> 00:07:55,039 -It can happen to anyone. -So let it. 210 00:07:55,083 --> 00:07:56,388 Let it happen to anyone. 211 00:07:56,432 --> 00:07:57,955 Just don't let it happen to me. 212 00:07:57,999 --> 00:08:00,871 Come on. Sit back. 213 00:08:00,915 --> 00:08:02,525 -Maybe a drink. -Hm-mm. 214 00:08:02,569 --> 00:08:04,005 It's almost ready to be drunk. 215 00:08:04,048 --> 00:08:05,441 I hear tomorrow's a very good year. 216 00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,661 I don't think liquor's the answer. 217 00:08:07,704 --> 00:08:09,401 You know, what just didn't happen here 218 00:08:09,445 --> 00:08:11,534 has never not ever happened before. 219 00:08:11,578 --> 00:08:13,710 Well, maybe you just don't find me attractive. 220 00:08:13,754 --> 00:08:15,190 Oh, that's true. 221 00:08:15,233 --> 00:08:17,105 Except for your face, your mind and your body, 222 00:08:17,148 --> 00:08:19,281 -you're a complete dud. -Come here. 223 00:08:19,324 --> 00:08:21,152 Careful. I have to give them back after the war. 224 00:08:21,196 --> 00:08:23,111 Relax. 225 00:08:23,154 --> 00:08:25,374 [sighs deeply] 226 00:08:27,898 --> 00:08:29,421 You know, what I think's happened 227 00:08:29,465 --> 00:08:30,597 is the damned army has started putting coffee 228 00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:32,424 in my saltpeter. 229 00:08:32,468 --> 00:08:33,774 It's thrown my whole system off. 230 00:08:33,817 --> 00:08:36,385 Mmm. Tell me about it. 231 00:08:39,170 --> 00:08:40,824 How 'bout an Oreo first? 232 00:08:40,868 --> 00:08:42,522 [knocking] 233 00:08:42,565 --> 00:08:44,001 Shh! My wife. 234 00:08:44,045 --> 00:08:45,786 RADAR: Hawk. Hawk? 235 00:08:45,829 --> 00:08:48,266 She always hawks like that. Yes, dear? 236 00:08:48,310 --> 00:08:49,746 Captain B.J. wants you in post-op. 237 00:08:49,790 --> 00:08:51,705 Radar, can't it wait? 238 00:08:51,748 --> 00:08:53,620 What happened to your voice? 239 00:08:53,663 --> 00:08:56,579 I got a new pair of shorts from home. 240 00:08:56,623 --> 00:08:58,015 Sorry to leave you in mid-grope like this, 241 00:08:58,059 --> 00:08:59,451 but Hippocrates calls. 242 00:08:59,495 --> 00:09:00,670 When will you be back? 243 00:09:00,714 --> 00:09:02,280 Before you can whistle "Carmen." 244 00:09:04,587 --> 00:09:06,502 [whistling "Habanera"] 245 00:09:11,376 --> 00:09:12,595 Uh, sorry to interrupt you. 246 00:09:12,639 --> 00:09:13,857 That's okay, Radar. 247 00:09:13,901 --> 00:09:15,163 You saved me from contusions of the ego 248 00:09:15,206 --> 00:09:16,904 and compound embarrassment. 249 00:09:16,947 --> 00:09:19,167 -How's your patient? -He's really Radar's. 250 00:09:19,210 --> 00:09:20,734 He alerted me to his condition. 251 00:09:20,777 --> 00:09:22,387 I had a hamster back home 252 00:09:22,431 --> 00:09:24,041 used to get the same look in his eyes 253 00:09:24,085 --> 00:09:25,216 when he wasn't feeling good. 254 00:09:25,260 --> 00:09:26,348 Let me see his chart. 255 00:09:26,391 --> 00:09:27,958 You can go get some lettuce. 256 00:09:28,002 --> 00:09:29,264 He's less responsive. 257 00:09:29,307 --> 00:09:31,353 B.P.'s going up, pulse dropping... 258 00:09:31,396 --> 00:09:33,921 signs of increased intracranial pressure. 259 00:09:33,964 --> 00:09:35,879 -I'd stick close for a while. -Right. 260 00:09:35,923 --> 00:09:38,665 -Can I too? Stick close? -Of course. 261 00:09:38,708 --> 00:09:40,754 And if you have to, I'd put in another burr hole. 262 00:09:40,797 --> 00:09:42,407 Fair enough. 263 00:09:42,451 --> 00:09:44,192 That sound right to you, Radar? 264 00:09:44,235 --> 00:09:46,455 Huh? Oh, yeah, sure. 265 00:09:46,498 --> 00:09:47,848 Sounds pretty good to me. 266 00:09:47,891 --> 00:09:49,240 What do you think? 267 00:09:49,284 --> 00:09:51,155 Should we get a second corporal's opinion? 268 00:10:11,219 --> 00:10:13,656 [sighs] Should we ask some people in, 269 00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:15,179 or should we just be boring on our own? 270 00:10:15,223 --> 00:10:16,746 Whatever. 271 00:10:16,790 --> 00:10:18,226 You're not drinking? 272 00:10:18,269 --> 00:10:20,184 -I think I'll stop for a while. -Mm. 273 00:10:20,228 --> 00:10:22,186 Getting nasty notes from my liver. 274 00:10:22,230 --> 00:10:24,232 I've never seen you wear those. 275 00:10:24,275 --> 00:10:25,929 Oh, I never do. 276 00:10:25,973 --> 00:10:27,975 If you wear 'em, they get dirty. 277 00:10:28,018 --> 00:10:29,672 If I keep washing 'em, they stay clean forever. 278 00:10:32,196 --> 00:10:34,677 They're actually just to remind me of better times. 279 00:10:34,721 --> 00:10:37,811 Argyle socks, angora sweaters, 280 00:10:37,854 --> 00:10:39,900 Woody Herman, fumbling in rumble seats. 281 00:10:39,943 --> 00:10:41,249 Rumbling in fumble seats. 282 00:10:41,292 --> 00:10:43,120 That too. 283 00:10:43,164 --> 00:10:45,514 What do you think of Nurse Able? 284 00:10:45,557 --> 00:10:47,168 If I wasn't married, 285 00:10:47,211 --> 00:10:49,692 I'd start nibbling at Nurse Able's toes 286 00:10:49,736 --> 00:10:51,781 and stop when I got to her hairpins. 287 00:10:51,825 --> 00:10:54,088 There is something there to arouse a male. 288 00:10:54,131 --> 00:10:56,133 Unless he's been dead six months. 289 00:10:56,177 --> 00:10:58,135 [inhales] 290 00:10:58,179 --> 00:10:59,702 She was in here before... 291 00:10:59,746 --> 00:11:02,574 um, with me, alone. 292 00:11:02,618 --> 00:11:04,054 [laughs] 293 00:11:04,098 --> 00:11:05,708 That's one of the worst kept secrets of the war. 294 00:11:05,752 --> 00:11:09,016 She was in here before and, uh... 295 00:11:09,059 --> 00:11:10,757 I, uh... 296 00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:14,717 uh... 297 00:11:14,761 --> 00:11:16,153 couldn't. 298 00:11:16,197 --> 00:11:17,502 Couldn't what? 299 00:11:20,201 --> 00:11:21,942 The big "couldn't." 300 00:11:21,985 --> 00:11:25,293 Oh, that "couldn't." 301 00:11:25,336 --> 00:11:27,469 Oh, maybe I tried too hard. 302 00:11:27,512 --> 00:11:29,776 Maybe I didn't try hard enough. 303 00:11:29,819 --> 00:11:32,213 Maybe it was her perfume. 304 00:11:32,256 --> 00:11:34,911 Maybe it was mine. 305 00:11:34,955 --> 00:11:36,086 She looks a little like my mother. 306 00:11:36,130 --> 00:11:37,827 Maybe Oedipus wrecked it for me. 307 00:11:37,871 --> 00:11:39,742 Look, it's perfectly understandable. 308 00:11:39,786 --> 00:11:41,483 You've been going full tilt since you got here. 309 00:11:41,526 --> 00:11:43,920 Your nerves are brittle enough to use for kindling. 310 00:11:43,964 --> 00:11:46,401 -Tension. -The war. 311 00:11:46,444 --> 00:11:47,794 Happens to everyone. Right. 312 00:11:47,837 --> 00:11:48,838 Ever happen to you? 313 00:11:48,882 --> 00:11:50,231 Never. 314 00:11:50,274 --> 00:11:51,798 Fink. 315 00:11:51,841 --> 00:11:54,322 We got fresh wounded in pre-op, sirs. 316 00:11:54,365 --> 00:11:55,976 Right. Thanks, Klinger. 317 00:11:56,019 --> 00:11:58,282 Don't thank me. Thank the Chinese. 318 00:12:01,503 --> 00:12:03,766 -Hi, Frank. -I'm doing the best I can. 319 00:12:03,810 --> 00:12:06,160 -What have we got? -Oh, chest wounds here, 320 00:12:06,203 --> 00:12:07,857 leg wounds there. I've seen worse. 321 00:12:07,901 --> 00:12:08,945 Only after you get through with them. 322 00:12:08,989 --> 00:12:11,121 -Doctors. -[chuckles] 323 00:12:11,165 --> 00:12:12,470 I want my boys to have the best. 324 00:12:12,514 --> 00:12:13,820 These guys from your unit? 325 00:12:13,863 --> 00:12:15,778 I'm Colonel Coner. 326 00:12:15,822 --> 00:12:17,084 Oh, yeah. 327 00:12:17,127 --> 00:12:18,781 The famous advance man from Forest Lawn. 328 00:12:18,825 --> 00:12:20,130 Oh, pay no attention, sir. 329 00:12:20,174 --> 00:12:21,915 Their sense of patriotism is stunted. 330 00:12:21,958 --> 00:12:23,655 Comes from smoking too many flags. 331 00:12:23,699 --> 00:12:25,309 Let's get started on this guy. 332 00:12:25,353 --> 00:12:27,137 Nothing personal, Colonel. 333 00:12:27,181 --> 00:12:28,356 Just that we don't appreciate 334 00:12:28,399 --> 00:12:29,618 your making so many dead soldiers 335 00:12:29,661 --> 00:12:30,967 out of live soldiers 336 00:12:31,011 --> 00:12:32,577 by trying to retrieve so many dead soldiers. 337 00:12:32,621 --> 00:12:35,798 Every one of our fallen boys deserves an American coffin. 338 00:12:35,842 --> 00:12:36,886 Prep him. 339 00:12:36,930 --> 00:12:38,322 Do me a favor, Colonel. 340 00:12:38,366 --> 00:12:39,933 If you find out I've died, 341 00:12:39,976 --> 00:12:42,065 just let me lie there in the crabgrass. 342 00:12:42,109 --> 00:12:43,632 I don't wanna help you make the cover of Life. 343 00:12:43,675 --> 00:12:45,329 Or Death. Whichever comes first. 344 00:12:45,373 --> 00:12:47,375 Let's get an X-ray on him, huh? 345 00:12:47,418 --> 00:12:49,638 Well, shall we repair the effects of heroism? 346 00:12:49,681 --> 00:12:51,858 After you, my dear Schweitzer. 347 00:12:51,901 --> 00:12:54,512 -Hi. -Hi. 348 00:12:54,556 --> 00:12:56,732 -I'm just going off. -I'm just going on. 349 00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:58,081 You okay now? 350 00:12:58,125 --> 00:12:59,648 Yeah. I was a little upset for a while, 351 00:12:59,691 --> 00:13:02,694 -but it's passed. -For sure? 352 00:13:02,738 --> 00:13:05,567 Well, at least my mouth is still working. 353 00:13:11,399 --> 00:13:15,751 Okay, now we need a green piece for the sunglasses. 354 00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:18,232 Hmm, is this it? 355 00:13:18,275 --> 00:13:21,409 No. It looks sort of like, uh, Italy 356 00:13:21,452 --> 00:13:22,627 but with a low heel. 357 00:13:24,151 --> 00:13:26,457 Where were you originally born? 358 00:13:26,501 --> 00:13:27,937 I mean, as a child. 359 00:13:27,981 --> 00:13:30,679 Chicken Falls, South Dakota. 360 00:13:30,722 --> 00:13:32,550 Twenty miles from Mount Rushmore. 361 00:13:32,594 --> 00:13:34,422 Oh, hey, I was there. 362 00:13:34,465 --> 00:13:36,032 -Yeah? -Yeah. 363 00:13:36,076 --> 00:13:37,686 Army was cleaning out Lincoln's nose. 364 00:13:40,471 --> 00:13:42,430 -Oh, that's an earlobe. -Oh. 365 00:13:44,954 --> 00:13:47,000 I can't wait to get back home. 366 00:13:47,043 --> 00:13:49,089 Yeah, me, neither. 367 00:13:49,132 --> 00:13:51,134 You know, once I called that number 368 00:13:51,178 --> 00:13:53,397 to get the time in Kansas City. 369 00:13:53,441 --> 00:13:55,312 I listened for over an hour. 370 00:13:55,356 --> 00:13:57,749 Really made me feel a lot better, too. 371 00:13:59,273 --> 00:14:01,884 What do you miss the most about back home? 372 00:14:01,928 --> 00:14:03,668 The most? 373 00:14:03,712 --> 00:14:05,018 Yeah, one thing. 374 00:14:06,193 --> 00:14:07,542 Oh. 375 00:14:09,022 --> 00:14:11,676 Well, the grass, I guess. 376 00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:13,853 Or the sky. 377 00:14:13,896 --> 00:14:16,116 Everything. 378 00:14:16,159 --> 00:14:17,595 Yeah. 379 00:14:19,771 --> 00:14:21,425 -Radar? -Oh, yes, sir. 380 00:14:21,469 --> 00:14:23,123 Where have you been hiding? 381 00:14:23,166 --> 00:14:24,689 Oh, I was just helping out with Private Phelan, sir. 382 00:14:24,733 --> 00:14:26,561 Did you order the new specimen bottles? 383 00:14:26,604 --> 00:14:28,171 Oh, yes, I did, sir. 384 00:14:28,215 --> 00:14:29,869 Let's watch this batch. Don't let any damn fool 385 00:14:29,912 --> 00:14:32,436 try to play songs on 'em again. 386 00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:33,873 How 'bout the V.D. films? 387 00:14:33,916 --> 00:14:35,309 Uh, I ordered two new ones, sir. 388 00:14:35,352 --> 00:14:37,267 Uh, Clean As a Whistle 389 00:14:37,311 --> 00:14:39,095 and Buy You a Drink, Sailor? 390 00:14:39,139 --> 00:14:40,444 Fine. What about those notes I left on my desk-- 391 00:14:40,488 --> 00:14:42,185 Also, I typed those notes you left-- 392 00:14:42,229 --> 00:14:43,926 -...to be typed last night? -...on your desk last night. 393 00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:45,449 -My notes on equestrian etiquette? -Yes, sir. 394 00:14:45,493 --> 00:14:46,973 They're in your in basket 395 00:14:47,016 --> 00:14:48,365 underneath your toenail clippers. 396 00:14:48,409 --> 00:14:49,889 Hmm. 397 00:14:49,932 --> 00:14:50,977 Uh, sir? 398 00:14:51,020 --> 00:14:53,153 Why do women ride sidesaddle? 399 00:14:53,196 --> 00:14:55,851 Would you marry a woman that didn't? 400 00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:57,070 No, sir. 401 00:14:57,113 --> 00:14:58,593 How are you feeling, son? 402 00:14:58,636 --> 00:15:00,464 Okay, sir. 403 00:15:00,508 --> 00:15:01,988 He's gonna be just fine. 404 00:15:02,031 --> 00:15:04,860 Thank you, Doctor O'Reilly. 405 00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:06,949 That's an elbow. 406 00:15:06,993 --> 00:15:10,083 Oh, yeah. Hey. 407 00:15:10,126 --> 00:15:11,736 Wow. Look at that. 408 00:15:11,780 --> 00:15:14,870 It's gonna be Jane Russell. See? 409 00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:16,872 Uh, can we do this later, Radar? 410 00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:19,657 I'm gettin' kinda tired. 411 00:15:19,701 --> 00:15:21,833 Oh, yeah, sure. 412 00:15:21,877 --> 00:15:23,792 Well, we couldn't have finished it anyway. 413 00:15:23,835 --> 00:15:26,708 Major Houlihan confiscated all the best parts. 414 00:15:28,449 --> 00:15:30,451 -Colonel Potter. -Burns. 415 00:15:30,494 --> 00:15:32,148 I just wanted you to know I'm about to hold 416 00:15:32,192 --> 00:15:33,933 my first garbage auction, sir. 417 00:15:33,976 --> 00:15:35,282 Fine. 418 00:15:35,325 --> 00:15:37,066 Would you like to see it? 419 00:15:37,110 --> 00:15:40,374 No, thanks. I'll wait till the movie comes out. 420 00:15:40,417 --> 00:15:42,028 The least you could do is wish me luck. 421 00:15:42,071 --> 00:15:43,377 Luck. 422 00:15:43,420 --> 00:15:44,726 How do I look? 423 00:15:46,162 --> 00:15:47,685 Almost lifelike. 424 00:15:49,078 --> 00:15:50,993 All right, gentlemen, right this way. 425 00:15:51,037 --> 00:15:53,604 Please take a seat. Any seat. 426 00:15:53,648 --> 00:15:56,259 Come on. Mush. Chop-chop. 427 00:15:56,303 --> 00:15:58,566 Now, may I have your attention? 428 00:15:58,609 --> 00:16:01,003 First, let me welcome each and every one of you, 429 00:16:01,047 --> 00:16:03,788 wish you joy and, uh, chang-yo. 430 00:16:03,832 --> 00:16:05,834 -"Chang-yo"? -Yeah. 431 00:16:05,877 --> 00:16:08,315 You wish each of us a prostitute? 432 00:16:08,358 --> 00:16:10,708 I must have looked up the wrong word. 433 00:16:10,752 --> 00:16:11,971 We don't mind. 434 00:16:12,014 --> 00:16:13,059 Well, I meant "prosperity." 435 00:16:13,102 --> 00:16:14,625 Worked out the same. 436 00:16:14,669 --> 00:16:16,627 [laughter] 437 00:16:16,671 --> 00:16:19,326 All right, let's not get carried away, huh? 438 00:16:19,369 --> 00:16:21,589 [pounding] 439 00:16:21,632 --> 00:16:23,243 I guess people will always think it's funny 440 00:16:23,286 --> 00:16:25,723 when one of their betters makes a mistake. 441 00:16:25,767 --> 00:16:29,684 Now, you've all had a tour of the camp garbage dump, 442 00:16:29,727 --> 00:16:31,120 and you have seen for yourself 443 00:16:31,164 --> 00:16:33,296 that America throws away only the best. 444 00:16:33,340 --> 00:16:35,603 Now, this waste will be auctioned off today, 445 00:16:35,646 --> 00:16:39,041 and similar auctions will be held once a month. 446 00:16:39,085 --> 00:16:42,392 Twice a month when it gets warmer. 447 00:16:42,436 --> 00:16:44,220 Hey, we're not too late for the big garbage sale, are we, Frank? 448 00:16:44,264 --> 00:16:45,830 I wanna get a little something for my apartment. 449 00:16:45,874 --> 00:16:47,049 Oh, a Chippendale orange peel 450 00:16:47,093 --> 00:16:48,311 would be perfect for my breakfast nook. 451 00:16:48,355 --> 00:16:50,226 -[laughter] -[pound] 452 00:16:50,270 --> 00:16:52,968 All right, here we go. 453 00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:55,840 Now, how much am I bid for lot number one-- 454 00:16:55,884 --> 00:17:00,106 150 pounds of prime U.S. Army 455 00:17:00,149 --> 00:17:01,803 grade-A garbage? Hmm? 456 00:17:01,846 --> 00:17:04,849 He could sell brass knuckles to Gandhi. 457 00:17:04,893 --> 00:17:06,503 Fifty. Do I hear fifty dollars? 458 00:17:06,547 --> 00:17:08,201 One buck. 459 00:17:08,244 --> 00:17:11,073 One buck. Do I hear one and a half? 460 00:17:11,117 --> 00:17:13,119 One and a half. Very good. 461 00:17:13,162 --> 00:17:14,903 One seventy-five, seventy-five, seventy-five. Anyone? 462 00:17:14,946 --> 00:17:16,861 Listen, Beej, whatever the highest bid is, 463 00:17:16,905 --> 00:17:18,559 bid five over it for me, okay? 464 00:17:18,602 --> 00:17:19,995 You're gonna buy this garbage? 465 00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:21,083 -Really? -Really. 466 00:17:21,127 --> 00:17:22,432 What are you going to use it for? 467 00:17:22,476 --> 00:17:23,999 Well, if I tell you now, 468 00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:25,435 then you won't be surprised at Christmas. 469 00:17:25,479 --> 00:17:28,003 Two seventy-five. Three dollars. Three dollars. 470 00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:29,526 Do I hear fifty? 471 00:17:33,878 --> 00:17:35,489 Right on time. 472 00:17:35,532 --> 00:17:37,317 Oh, thank you. 473 00:17:37,360 --> 00:17:39,667 You sure you don't mind being seen with me? 474 00:17:39,710 --> 00:17:41,147 Of course not. 475 00:17:41,190 --> 00:17:43,236 Some girls feel strange with married men. 476 00:17:43,279 --> 00:17:44,541 Ohh. 477 00:17:45,629 --> 00:17:46,587 Hi, kid. 478 00:18:03,734 --> 00:18:05,258 [sighs] 479 00:18:07,651 --> 00:18:09,697 I did everything I could, Radar. 480 00:18:12,700 --> 00:18:16,399 How could he be alive like that one second and dead the next? 481 00:18:16,443 --> 00:18:19,315 There's not much more than that in it. 482 00:18:19,359 --> 00:18:21,752 [exhales] 483 00:18:21,796 --> 00:18:24,494 It's not fair. 484 00:18:24,538 --> 00:18:27,671 Fair's the last thing it is. 485 00:18:27,715 --> 00:18:31,588 I mean, you operated on him twice. 486 00:18:31,632 --> 00:18:34,461 The damage was just too extensive. 487 00:18:34,504 --> 00:18:37,377 I could give you a lot of medical reasons, but... 488 00:18:37,420 --> 00:18:39,466 understanding doesn't make it less painful. 489 00:18:41,990 --> 00:18:44,471 Oh! 490 00:18:44,514 --> 00:18:47,038 We got to be friends... 491 00:18:47,082 --> 00:18:49,650 in just a few hours. 492 00:18:49,693 --> 00:18:51,042 Friends don't need more. 493 00:18:55,221 --> 00:18:58,267 Gee, I hope I don't cry. 494 00:18:58,311 --> 00:19:00,182 It's no sin, Radar. 495 00:19:03,446 --> 00:19:05,753 When was the last time you felt like crying, sir? 496 00:19:07,668 --> 00:19:09,148 What time is it? 497 00:19:15,806 --> 00:19:17,808 Very good, sir. You hit the ground. 498 00:19:17,852 --> 00:19:20,202 Oh, afternoon, Pierce. Try your luck? 499 00:19:20,246 --> 00:19:21,551 I used to play as a youngster. 500 00:19:21,595 --> 00:19:22,987 Well, have a go. 501 00:19:23,031 --> 00:19:25,207 Finally stopped when I realized my right arm 502 00:19:25,251 --> 00:19:27,949 had become three inches longer than my left. 503 00:19:27,992 --> 00:19:30,212 Good try. In '25, 504 00:19:30,256 --> 00:19:33,694 I made the semifinals at Fort Dix. 505 00:19:33,737 --> 00:19:35,957 I aced out a 300-pound supply sergeant. 506 00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:37,611 He blubbered like a baby. 507 00:19:37,654 --> 00:19:40,048 Don't try so hard. Let it go a little later. 508 00:19:41,571 --> 00:19:43,312 -Good. -Thank you. 509 00:19:43,356 --> 00:19:44,748 Bang on target. 510 00:19:44,792 --> 00:19:46,402 First time I scored in days. 511 00:19:46,446 --> 00:19:47,708 Been a rough one? 512 00:19:47,751 --> 00:19:49,927 Well, about normal. 513 00:19:49,971 --> 00:19:52,103 We're tossing horseshoes, and four miles away 514 00:19:52,147 --> 00:19:53,888 -they're tossing grenades. -Uh-huh. 515 00:19:53,931 --> 00:19:56,586 Frank's selling prewar garbage at postwar prices 516 00:19:56,630 --> 00:19:58,762 to people who can't even afford the ground they're eating off. 517 00:19:58,806 --> 00:20:01,025 -Uh-huh. -And I'm impotent. 518 00:20:01,069 --> 00:20:03,332 Uh-huh. 519 00:20:03,376 --> 00:20:06,422 I think I see your problem. 520 00:20:06,466 --> 00:20:08,381 Aim two feet beyond the stake. 521 00:20:10,034 --> 00:20:13,299 You've gotta learn to unwind, son. 522 00:20:13,342 --> 00:20:16,258 When's the last time you really let go of the reins? 523 00:20:17,433 --> 00:20:19,566 The back of a fruit truck... 524 00:20:19,609 --> 00:20:22,351 on a pile of rotting peaches. 525 00:20:22,395 --> 00:20:24,484 I had a copy of Fanny Hill. 526 00:20:24,527 --> 00:20:26,921 The truck went over a bump and I was in heaven. 527 00:20:28,052 --> 00:20:29,576 You need a hobby. 528 00:20:29,619 --> 00:20:30,968 [clang] 529 00:20:31,012 --> 00:20:32,274 I toss horseshoes. 530 00:20:32,318 --> 00:20:34,494 The wife needlepoints migratory fowl. 531 00:20:34,537 --> 00:20:38,062 Grandpa Roy whistles moose calls. 532 00:20:38,106 --> 00:20:41,327 I knew a woman collected clippings of mine shaft accidents. 533 00:20:41,370 --> 00:20:43,894 There you go. If it's any comfort to you, 534 00:20:43,938 --> 00:20:46,201 I had the same problem in World War I. 535 00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:48,334 -And you got over it? -Mm-hmm. 536 00:20:48,377 --> 00:20:50,988 But not until World War II. 537 00:20:51,032 --> 00:20:53,121 -Aha. -[clang] 538 00:20:55,515 --> 00:20:56,994 Want some more coffee? 539 00:20:57,038 --> 00:20:58,300 Uh, no, thank you. 540 00:20:58,344 --> 00:21:00,084 Army coffee has made me a soprano. 541 00:21:00,128 --> 00:21:02,261 -[chuckle] Colonel? -Please. 542 00:21:02,304 --> 00:21:05,046 Listen to this. "The fastest amputation in medical history 543 00:21:05,089 --> 00:21:07,875 "was performed by Dr. R. Liston in 1801 544 00:21:07,918 --> 00:21:09,659 "without an anesthetic. 545 00:21:09,703 --> 00:21:11,966 "It took 33 seconds and cost the assistant 546 00:21:12,009 --> 00:21:14,534 "three fingers by his master's saw." 547 00:21:14,577 --> 00:21:16,318 I like a heavy tipper. 548 00:21:16,362 --> 00:21:17,537 Morning. 549 00:21:17,580 --> 00:21:19,278 -Morning. -Morning. 550 00:21:19,321 --> 00:21:21,105 Major Burns said I'm fit to leave. 551 00:21:21,149 --> 00:21:23,282 Major Burns is an expert on fits. 552 00:21:23,325 --> 00:21:24,979 I ordered your jeep, Colonel. 553 00:21:25,022 --> 00:21:27,895 -Be ready in a minute. -Boy, I'm starved. 554 00:21:27,938 --> 00:21:29,940 Extracurricular carnage really builds up an appetite. 555 00:21:32,943 --> 00:21:34,728 Private Phelan died last night, Colonel. 556 00:21:34,771 --> 00:21:36,207 Who? Phelan? 557 00:21:38,427 --> 00:21:40,516 Gerald Phelan. He was one of yours. 558 00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:43,171 Wounded last time he went out looking for coffin refills. 559 00:21:43,214 --> 00:21:45,347 I remember that mission. 560 00:21:45,391 --> 00:21:48,002 We retrieved every Joe that bought it on Hill 911. 561 00:21:48,045 --> 00:21:49,830 And how many men did you lose? 562 00:21:49,873 --> 00:21:52,006 Our losses were insignificant. 563 00:21:52,049 --> 00:21:53,877 How many kids in an insignificant? 564 00:21:53,921 --> 00:21:54,878 Two. 565 00:21:54,922 --> 00:21:56,532 Phelan makes three. 566 00:21:56,576 --> 00:21:59,318 We knocked out 15 or 20 Reds, old buddy. 567 00:21:59,361 --> 00:22:01,972 That makes my kill ratio eight and a half to one. 568 00:22:02,016 --> 00:22:03,670 Maybe nine and a half. 569 00:22:03,713 --> 00:22:05,541 -Do I hear ten? -[banging tray] 570 00:22:05,585 --> 00:22:07,500 Sold to the grim reaper in the third row. 571 00:22:07,543 --> 00:22:09,676 Good morning, Colonel. Colonel. 572 00:22:09,719 --> 00:22:11,199 My, we have a lot of colonels here. 573 00:22:11,242 --> 00:22:12,679 Yeah, we're up to our brass in 'em. 574 00:22:12,722 --> 00:22:14,115 You know, I used to think you were clever 575 00:22:14,158 --> 00:22:15,725 till you bought all that garbage at the auction. 576 00:22:15,769 --> 00:22:18,380 -[giggling] -You bought the garbage? 577 00:22:18,424 --> 00:22:20,164 Well, you said get a hobby. 578 00:22:20,208 --> 00:22:21,862 Captain Pierce, 579 00:22:21,905 --> 00:22:23,472 Colonel Coner's jeep's ready, sir. 580 00:22:23,516 --> 00:22:25,344 Everything's ready, sir. 581 00:22:26,649 --> 00:22:28,434 Well, I guess it's about that time. 582 00:22:30,740 --> 00:22:32,220 Well, have a nice trip, Colonel. 583 00:22:32,263 --> 00:22:33,743 Yes. 584 00:22:33,787 --> 00:22:35,397 Colonel. 585 00:22:35,441 --> 00:22:36,485 Colonel. 586 00:22:39,923 --> 00:22:42,404 [whispers] Come on. 587 00:22:47,844 --> 00:22:49,193 What's going on, Pierce? 588 00:22:49,237 --> 00:22:50,281 I thought we'd give Colonel Coner 589 00:22:50,325 --> 00:22:51,370 an appropriate aloha. 590 00:22:57,550 --> 00:22:58,638 Well, what are we lookin' at? 591 00:23:12,478 --> 00:23:16,220 Beautiful! Beautiful! A Tintoretto in barf. 592 00:23:23,619 --> 00:23:25,969 I had dreams like this all through puberty. 593 00:23:26,013 --> 00:23:28,842 I didn't see any of it, but I loved it. 594 00:23:28,885 --> 00:23:30,278 You're a pistol. 595 00:23:30,321 --> 00:23:31,627 That's my garbage. 596 00:23:31,671 --> 00:23:33,586 No, no, it's my garbage, Frank. 597 00:23:33,629 --> 00:23:36,458 -I got a receipt. -Oh, for... 598 00:23:36,502 --> 00:23:38,373 Hey, buy you a drink, sailor? 599 00:23:38,417 --> 00:23:40,114 Uh, not right now, thank you. 600 00:23:40,157 --> 00:23:41,463 [chuckles] 601 00:23:41,507 --> 00:23:44,248 I got the time if you still got that nickel. 602 00:23:44,292 --> 00:23:45,685 All I've got's a quarter. 603 00:23:45,728 --> 00:23:48,035 No problem. I think I can make change now. 604 00:24:00,613 --> 00:24:02,397 -[movie projector running] -How'd your date go? 605 00:24:02,441 --> 00:24:04,921 -I don't kiss and tell. -Sorry. 606 00:24:06,053 --> 00:24:08,664 It was terrific. 607 00:24:08,708 --> 00:24:10,013 Now, look, sir. We charge the men 608 00:24:10,057 --> 00:24:11,667 a dollar each for helicopter rides. 609 00:24:11,711 --> 00:24:13,016 Add that to our garbage income, 610 00:24:13,060 --> 00:24:14,931 and we'll be in the black inside a year. 611 00:24:14,975 --> 00:24:16,411 This is a hospital, Burns. 612 00:24:16,455 --> 00:24:18,935 I don't want us listed on the Stock Exchange. 613 00:24:34,777 --> 00:24:37,214 ♪♪ [theme]